Today, for who knows how many times, the best day ever has dawned! It is quite dull outside and this temperature rollercoaster had been playing with my blood pressure and mood for days. It does not matter…Grey clouds have cover Belgrade this morning. It does not matter either…Nothing will prevent me from having the best day ever. Just as it was yesterday and I am sure the one that will dawn tomorrow.

A pile of things to do and incredible crowd in the office, as if I was in a bee hive. I have burdened myself with so many duties that I am not quite sure I would be able to complete them in time should I be three times cloned. For a second I have stopped to think WHY I have been doing this? And in the middle of work and taking ‘important’ business decisions in Lorca Design head office I got up and pronounced waving my hands accordingly: TIME OUT! Everyone was quiet and confused…’Half an hour off’. ‘Half an hour off from what?’, they asked. ‘From everything,’ I replied. ‘Do what you want to do and what you are not paid to do’. Silence. Not a word. As if I took something that belonged to them. Something incredibly precious. Right to hide behind impossibility excuse. Right to be absent from their own lives. Right not to look inside themselves and look for their purpose…

I, myself, was confused by my sudden reaction. Something was telling me I have put the cart before the horse. I have been surely walking down the road of self-revelation and self-awareness for a while now. My connection with the nature is an important segment in my life. The way of living, nutrition for me and my children, priorities I have set, humanitarian work through Tree of Life organisation, which has already come to life…I thought that was my purpose. I have given my whole self and was convinced that this very humanitarian work is my purpose. Work on educating, helping with information, sharing and spreading thoughts about importance of confronting things that deter us from ourselves, poison us, sharing knowledge about food and nutrition I have been acquiring for years for people who were not able to do the same, fighting against corporations that apply hard advertising to help man’s self-destruction. Yes, I thought I found my purpose. 

I was not afraid for a single moment that I would be denied, wrongly assessed, that there would those looking for my mistakes, looking for something bad in it. I am absolutely aware that we cannot be liked by everyone. This is quite certain, but we can learn how to send love and bring light where people are ready to take it. People tend to criticize. As long as there are those who wish, who ask to hear, I will talk. Since I was convinced that was my long sought purpose. Neither design, nor awards and money I have received managed to fulfil me as this I have been doing now. Here come benefits from all sufferings in my ‘perfect life’. O, yes, I can reassure you that this cold, sexy bitch living ‘that perfect life’ of eternal well-being is actually doing so. But only since recently…Since that well-being has become related to meeting wonderful people and making fantastic discoveries on the path of spiritualty and self-knowledge…But, until quite recently, you were completely wrong. My life was full of sorrows, ghosts from the past, different traumas, losses, depression…What was the issue then? As long as we look for the purpose outside ourselves, we can hardly find it. If we related our purpose with our activities, objectives or profession, we are on completely wrong path. We can do nothing but suffer needlessly.

Our purpose is about revealing and cherishing our true inside being, to get to know it and love ourselves to the deepest boundaries of our soul and lead this being and light its path whenever it starts going astray. Everything else is just a passion, mission, job or a hobby we love. All these things are very powerful and essential, but far, far away from our purpose, since it is much bigger and more important than everything listed here. 

I feel this understanding of PURPOSE deep down in every atom of myself, it mitigates moments when I think my work has not been appreciated enough or when my efforts are criticized, since people will sometimes appreciate what we do, and sometimes they won’t. We would sometimes be trendy in a very next moment - passé. We would sometimes give and get nothing in return; we would be loved or hated. So what?! This is life. Should we relate our purpose with what we are doing outside of ourselves; we would then have to question it with every outside opinion. 

Let’s keep our purpose to ourselves. Let’s try and attach it to the creation of eternal relation with oneself. Or to try and find it in forgiving us and others, let those warm waves of empathy in and purify the planet, including ourselves. What if our purpose is to heal all wounds inflicted on us in our contacts with outside world and by doing so, we become mentors, role models and examples for others. For someone, it implies setting free from shame or feeling of valueless; in acceptance of the fact that there is no perception and that eternal pursuit for it will only destroy our relations, friendships, marriages…

It may be hidden in faith in oneself. We should believe in ourselves endlessly, in being God’s beings and should be treated accordingly. The deeper the faith in ourselves, the greater connection with the source. Perhaps, our purpose is to look after ourselves to be able to serve others.
I have met many people who share good messages, who bring light in, help and even heal. However, intimately, inside out, they are completely scattered around. Bitter and sad. Imagine where they would be once they realise their internal purpose is even more important than their mission. For people are like herbs, they all turn to light. We are light, each of us. Our internal purpose is to get connected with the light.

It may also be located in the confession on our own mundane grief. They say grief is matter of choice. I would not be able to swear on this after all deep sorrows and losses I have experienced in my youth. However, I am quite certain that learning is a gift, even when sadness is a teacher.

And I have almost forgotten to mention… the clouds have gone, sun is shining outside. What may come to one’s mind in only one ‘TIME OFF’. Allow it to yourself once in a while.

I have had no doubts this would be just another, in a line of, the nicest days ever…!